My thoughts
Real Name: Jane Reid Gender: female Date of Birth: February 11, 1989 Member Since: November 15, 2007 Last Signed In: November 19, 2007 Profile Views: 64 Blog Views: 0 November 07 December 07 January 08 February 08 March 08 April 08 May 08 June 08 July 08 August 08 September 08 October 08 November 08 December 08 January 09 February 09 March 09 April 09 May 09 June 09 July 09 As we approach Christmas, it seems like so many of my girl friends are feeling blue because they don’t have a boyfriend to buy a present for, or even better yet, a boyfriend to buy a present for them! I have some thoughts on that and wanted to share them with all you single gals out there! I have met some women both recently and over the years that have this incredible fear of relationships. The stereotype is that men are commitment phoebes, when in fact, from what I've seen, it's women that are afraid of entering a committed relationship or really any relationship at all. For me it is a constant struggle that will only get easier with time. So what are we so afraid of? What makes us emotionally paralyzed in this area? In talking to different women and looking at my own life as well, it really is no wonder that we are hesitant. The things that some girls have had to go through break my heart. I have heard story after story of men mistreating their wives, daughters and sisters. I've seen it all: cheating men, abusive men, drunken men, manipulative men, and the list goes on. Statistics show that one in four women will be raped or molested by the time they are eighteen. While that number is astonishing I have still found it to be underestimated. In talking to my girlfriends, the large majority has been taken advantage of by some man in their lives, most of who were very close to them. I have personally had some issues with men that have taken me years to get over. I still sometimes struggle to view men without the distorted mentality that I had for so long. Mentalities that were developed at an early age that seemed to have been engraved in my mind. I am not saying that all men are bad by any means. I have not personally had the luxury of a good example in my life of what a man is supposed to be like, however I know that there are good marriages out there and so therefore they must exist. I have given this subject some thought lately for a couple of reasons. I felt this subject was particularly important for me to address in my own life and I also would like to have something to say to those girls that share their stories with me other than, "I'm sure there's a good man out there for you.” That is the most vague and useless statement and yet they're the only words of encouragement I've had to offer. I said all of that to say that I have reached a conclusion. For some it may be encouraging and for others it may seem rather depressing, but here goes. You cannot tell by looking at a man or even knowing a man what kind of character he has or what terrible acts of betrayal he is capable of. There really is no foolproof way of protecting yourself from heartbreak, but here are some tips to help you put forth your best effort and at least try not to set yourself up. • Stop worrying about it. Worrying leads to depression. Depression leads to anxiety. Anxiety leads to sleepless nights. Sleepless nights lead to being tired all the time. Being tired all of the time leads to dark circles under your eyes. Dark circles under your eyes lead to self-loathing about the way you look and self-loathing about the way you look leads to depression. From there the cycle just perpetuates itself. • Don't go into panic mode. So many women think they have to get married by a certain age. This is false! When you go in to this panic mode of I have to get married now, my biological clock is ticking, etc., you feel that you will never find the one you're supposed to be with and you're worried that when you do, you'll screw it up (and you will) because you're in panic mode! Then you fall into the trap of trying to impress every potential date, which causes you to lose your identity, which causes you to become depressed, and you know the rest. Just don't even go there. • Take your mind off the relationship craze. Join a gym. Go out with your girlfriends and gossip about other people's relationship problems and just be glad that you don't have them yet. Take up an instrument. Do volunteer work. Go ahead and sing that song like you've got a man that loves you that much too. Do you have your honeymoon planned out? Yeah I thought so. OK, so why don't you go? Summer in Tahiti sounds brilliant. You don't really need a "true love" to enjoy that honeymoon that you've always dreamed of. Just take some dark chocolate instead. • When you think that you might have actually found that special someone, don't go falling in love so quick that you lose your head. Love is blind so learn all you think you'd ever need to know about him as far as what kind of guy he really is before you fall head over heels. Otherwise you'll just excuse every quirk about him, think he's a great guy, only to find too late that those "quirks" were actually catastrophic character flaws that could potentially ruin your life. • Do not, however, be so hard on guys that you set standards for them that are impossible to live up to. That's a really quick way to get let down. You're not perfect, so don't expect him to be. Remember quirks are OK. Just make sure that's all they are. • Guard your heart. That's pretty much self-explanatory. If you like a guy, please at least figure out if the feelings are mutual before you start planning the wedding and tagging on his last name with your first so you can see if it has a "ring" to it. We're all going to be let down and hurt at some point in our lives. Let's at least make sure it's not of our own doing. Lastly, ladies I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if it's true that history repeats itself, well then we're all out of luck. But hey, that's life. If we have enough things going for us before we meet him though, it might not hurt so badly when he breaks our hearts. And who knows, maybe, just maybe when history does repeat itself, it will repeat a little bit more gently for us. Whatever the case is, you only live once. It's really what you make of it. Life is like a cake. Men are like frosting. Definitely a plus, but it's OK without 'em too. Merry Christmas ladies! 
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